


Life As We Know It

by impravidus



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Parents, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Banter, Bisexual Peter Parker, Car Accidents, Comfort/Angst, Coparenting, Custody, Domestic Fluff, Enemies, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Harley Keener & Peter Parker Friendship, Harley Keener Needs a Hug, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Harley Keener, Protective Peter Parker, Roommates, Single Parents, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23072512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impravidus/pseuds/impravidus
Summary: When their best friends pass away in a car accident, Harley and Peter gain joint custody of their daughter and have to learn to put aside their mutual hatred for each other to become the parents they never imagined they'd become.
Relationships: Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Ned Leeds/Harry Osborn, Teddy Altman/Billy Kaplan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	Life As We Know It

Peter wasn’t one for blind dates, especially when they were set up by Ned. He loved Ned. He was his best friend in the whole world. But the people that Ned set him up with? Not the best.

Exhibit A: Maggie Morrison. Really nice at first. Had a pretty pastel dress on and sparkly winged eyeliner that complimented her bubbly and energetic attitude. However, when they were one hour into their fried rice and she pulled out photos of forests that she considered would be “perfect for their wedding,” Peter was out.

Exhibit B: Douglas Stevens. How Ned met the biggest gym rat Peter had ever seen (and he knew superheroes whose jobs required massive amounts of training), he wasn’t sure. The 6’4” man had no issue with his humble bragging and took every opportunity to flex his muscles (which Peter had the same, maybe even more of). He laughed when Peter told him that he was a self-established photographer and requested he find something that was less of a “girl job.”

Exhibit C: Sara Cormier. Let’s just say that she and her husband were looking for something that Peter was  _ not  _ interested in.

So, he had every right to be wary when Ned called him up that Tuesday afternoon in between shoots.

“C’mon, dude. Harry and him were college roommates all four years. He can vouch for him. He says he’s a great guy and you guys would really get along.”

“Ned. You know I don’t do this sort of thing anymore,” Peter said with a sigh, scrolling through the shots on his camera.

“He works at Stark R&D, so you two can bond over your love for nerdy science stuff. He’s got a pHd in mechanical engineering from MIT and he’s tall and he’s got blue eyes, which I know you think are dreamy, and he’s going to pick you up at seven on Friday and I am _not_ taking no for an answer.”

Peter groaned, burying his face in his hand. “Okay. Okay! Fine.  _ Fine _ . I will go out with this guy.”

“Great! Amazing! You won’t regret this.”

Oh he’s regretting this. He’s regretting this a lot.

After getting dressed in a nice button up, sweater, and dark jeans, even doing his hair (which he  _ never _ does), he ended up scrolling through Instagram, waiting for his date to pick him up.

When there was a knock on his apartment door, he was a  _ little _ peeved, but he  _ was  _ pretty cute. 

“Harley?”

The blonde grinned charismatically. “That’s me. And you must be Peter.” He shoved his hands in his pocket. “I’m not late, am I?”

“Just an hour. But I just finished getting ready. Ned mentioned that you had a track record.”

“And Harry said you’d say something like that.”

The both laughed uncomfortably.

“So, should we go?” Peter asked.

“We shall."

As they walked to the parking lot, Harley opened the gate door for Peter to which he said a “oh thank you” to.

“So, where’s your car?” Peter asked, looking around the lot.

“Right here,” Harley patted the seat of his motorcycle. “Don’t worry. I won’t judge if you hold on tight.”

Peter’s polite smile wavered. “I uh, I’m not really dressed for forty mile winds.” Detecting Harley’s faltering patience, he said, “But we can take my car! It’s just over here.” 

Harley frowned as he spotted the compact car. “Oh?”

“It’s a smart car,” Peter said awkwardly, pointing jazz hands at the car.

The smaller man easily slid into the driver’s seat while Harley struggled to crunch himself into the passenger’s seat. He gave another grin to Peter.

“So, where did you get reservations?” 

Harley turned to face him. “Reservations?”   


“Yeah, reservations to the restaurant we’re going to tonight? That you apparently didn’t make. Uh, well, I know a great spot in Queens. I took their promotion photos so I’m sure they could squeeze us in…”

Harley’s phone began to ring.

Peter looked to his pocket. “And uh, it’s a great hole in the wall place. Amazing American cuisine and, uh, do you need to take that?”

Harley shook his head. “I can just let it go to voicemail.”

Peter nodded slowly. “Uh, alright. And, uh, oh what was I saying? They’ve got these really good kale chips there. They air fry them and, are you sure that you don’t need to pick that up? I really don’t mind if you do.”

Harley raised his brows. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Go ahead.”

Harley pulled out the phone, hesitantly answering, turning his head as he asked in a hushed tone, “Hey, what’s up? No, I’m not doing anything. Tonight? That works for me. 11:00?” He looked at Peter. “How about we make it 10:30? Okay. Alright. Bye.” He turned back to face Peter. “Sorry, that was my lab assistant.”

“You know, we really don’t have to do this,” Peter said.

Harley perked up. “Really?”

“Are you serious?” Peter asked incredulously.

“Let’s be honest, you didn’t like me the minute you saw me,” Harley stated.

“But our best friend’s set us up, so I think it’s only fair to them that we—”

“We what?”

“—spend a few hours faking small talk?”

Harley rolled his eyes. “Look. Best case scenario, we get drunk and we hook up—”

“What kind of asshole are you?” Peter asked, appalled.

“It’s a Saturday night. I just want to have some fun. I can go see my… lab assistant and you can do… whatever it is you do on a Saturday night. You can go do a word search or something. Do you knit?”

“Do I knit?” Peter repeated. “You know what? If you wanted to ensure that this wasn’t going to be a lousy night, here’s a tip: don’t show up late and don’t make a booty call in front of me.”

“That was work!”

“Oh and does that work include you boning your lab assistant?”

“Fine, if you want to go out, we can go out—”

“Oh my God. No.  _ No. _ I’m not going out with you now. What? Are you crazy? Get out of my car.” Peter slammed the door behind him and stormed back to his apartment. “I don’t know what they were thinking.”

“Me neither!” Harley called from behind him.

Peter, already calling Ned, huffed in frustration. “Ned. I don’t know why you would ever set me up with  _ him _ , but I’m never going on one of these stupid blind dates again.”

Unfortunately for Peter, he was going to see a lot more of Harley Keener.

At Ned and Harry’s wedding, they were respective best men, and Harley thought it was  _ so funny _ to grope his ass while they were ready to walk down the aisle to their places. Then, at the reception, he interrupted his  _ heartfelt, loving, deeply emotional and nostalgic _ speech with drunken heckles and a sloppy makeout with one of Harry’s bridesmaids. 

But then, Ned and Harry adopted little Lily. While Peter was busy as the photographer for her welcome party, Harley was snacking on the bacon wrapped hot dogs. Peter did get a good laugh when Lily spit up all over his button up.

Ned and Harry were the perfect parents and they wanted to make sure that her two uncles would be big parts of her life. Luckily for Peter, it wasn't often at the same time. 

But, as much as he couldn’t stand Harley Keener, it wasn’t like he was a big part of his life. He just had to see him at the big stuff: birthday parties and Friendsgivings. Right? ...Right?

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat, my Tumblr is [official-impravidus](official-impravidus.tumblr.com)
> 
> If you want to join a Parkner Discord, click [here!](https://discord.gg/vztSVpg)


End file.
